The Big Nap by Bruce Hale

Author:Bruce Hale [Hale, Bruce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

11. A Big Stink from the Head Cheese

There are two theories on how to argue with a principal. Neither one works.

"But that book club is just a front for his zombie operation," I said.

Principal Zero's claws kneaded his scarred desktop. "Nonsense," he rumbled. "Aloyicious Theonlyest Bunk is the most respected librarian in town. Neither he nor anyone else at this school is, as you put it, turning students into zombies."

"But—"

"Gecko, the only reason I'm not giving you a month of detention—and believe me, I want to—is that Mr. Bunk has asked me to pardon you." Principal Zero sniffed. "He's more lenient with the students than I am."

I tried another approach. "Look, Mr. Zero. Every day, I see more and more zombies around school. Somebody's making them."

He smoothed the fur on his jowls and watched me with narrowed eyes, the way I watch a horsefly I'm planning to lunch on. "I see," he said. "And how do you know they're zombies?"

"They walk like zombies, they talk like zombies..." I gripped the edge of the desktop. "They speak only when spoken to, and they even clean the blackboards."

Principal Zero smiled a Cheshire cat smile. Or the smile that the Cheshire cat would've worn if he'd been an overweight pussycat with a bad attitude.

"You, Chet Gecko, are a deluded troublemaker. You see good students, and you think they're zombies." Mr. Zero's tail twitched. He snarled, "If you know what's good for you, you'll drop this case."

My mouth fell open. "Drop it?" I said. "But my—"

"Drop it now," said Principal Zero. "Or I'll drop you so fast you'll bounce."

His tail twitched faster, back and forth, like a cockeyed cobra getting ready to strike.

"Is that all?" I asked.

His fangs gleamed. "Let me give you a friendly piece of advice, Chet Gecko. Now would be a good time to keep your nose clean."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. Don't talk with your mouth full ... keep your elbows off the table ... never eat a dish called Chef's Surprise..."

He was worse than my mother. I slowly backed from the room as Principal Zero rambled on.

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